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Get The Spark Back

5 Modules 40 Lessons Intermediate

About this course

Most committed relationships, except those of convenience, had a spark which caught fire and became unbridled passion. Feelings were intense, the couple spent as much time together as possible and had a difficult time keeping their hands off each other.

They decided to proceed to the next stage of the relationship and move in together or get married. Within a couple of months, they began to wonder what happened. Where did all the passion go?

Maybe this is you. Let’s talk about what happened.

How Your Body Manipulated You

Yes, your body manipulated you into forming a relationship with the one you love. It’s not that your body believed in love. No, your body wanted only one thing. Your body wanted to ensure the human race continued and did everything it could to get you to fall in love.

To encourage the relationship, your body produced chemicals, such as:

  • Dopamine, to keep you feeling wonderful about your loved one
  • Norepinephrine, to keep your heart a flutter
  • Phenylethylamine, which gave you emotional and physical energy.
  • Oxytocin, which has become known as the “bonding” or “cuddle” hormone. (We’ll discuss ways to keep producing this fun hormone.)
These and other chemicals manufactured by your body had you believing you had fallen in love.

Once you make the decision to form a committed relationship, your body has you where it wants you.

Where Did the Passion Go?

People often complain about passion missing in their relationship. They wistfully talk about the “old” days of when the fire was burning. Now the relationship seems so, well, ordinary.

Consider what happens when you get married or move in together:

1. You no longer have to arrange to see each other. You’re already together in the home you share. There isn’t the ritual of calling to arrange time to meet each other.

  • We’ll discuss ways to keep the excitement of being together going.

2. The routines of your daily life are shared. The daily chores of keeping the house clean, making money, and other daily activities are no longer done out of sight of the other.

  • Who does which chores? If these chores are going to get done, it’s important to make time for them and discover how to share the responsibility.
  • These are the ordinary activities of life, which aren’t exciting, but they’re necessary.

3. You’re not always “up” for each other. When you see each other every day, it’s difficult to hide from the other when you’re tired, stressed, or grumpy. Before, your excitement about seeing each other overshadowed and even overcame your weariness.

4. You “forget” to do the special things you did for each other. When life becomes routine, it’s common to skip the little things you used to do for each other.

  • This includes special gifts, saying how much you love each other, and giving compliments.
  • You begin to take each other for granted. The specialness you once felt seems to recede into the background. This can negatively affect your relationship if you allow it.

Hidden Expectations Emerge

When you’re dating each other, and the chemicals of passion are in control of your relationship, you’re excited by the newness of it all. You’re open to things being different in your life.

When your relationship settles into a routine, subconscious forces begin to emerge. From the moment you were born until now, your subconscious mind has gathered information on how you and your partner should interact.

The challenge is that each of you may have different “shoulds”  which can conflict and be completely unknown to each other.

These “shoulds” set your relationship up for misunderstandings and hurt feelings if they aren’t discovered and addressed.

Keep the Fires Burning

Luckily, despite the routine of life which comes from work schedules, caring for the home, being part of each other’s families and, perhaps, establishing a family of your own, there are ways to keep the passion burning in your relationship.

The rest of this course will address common issues which arise in committed relationships and how to work through them.

Just reading about what happens in relationships lets you know that you and your partner aren’t alone in these challenges. Other couples go through these challenges as well.

You want to be different from many couples by recognizing potential difficulties and knowing how to resolve them. Be one of the couples who celebrates their 50th anniversary and not one who says with regret, “I wish I’d known.”

Summary

You’ve learned how your body conspired to have you fall in love by producing powerful chemicals which keep you attracted to each other. Once you form a committed relationship, those same chemicals decrease.

Before you move into learning about strategies to keep your relationship special, take a few minutes to reflect upon how what you’ve discovered applies to you.

Reflection

Course Structure

Premium course
8 Lessons

Module 1 - Where Did All The Passion Go

Life together moves from the excitement of passion to the routine of daily life. Physiologically, the body quits producing most of the chemicals which made infatuation such a high. You might wonder what happened to that wonderful high. In this module, you’ll learn what happened to those intense emotions and how you can keep the fire going in your relationship.

Lesson 1 – From the Fire of Passion to . . . What?

Most committed relationships, except those of convenience, had a spark that caught fire and became an unbridled passion. Feelings were intense, the couple spent as much time together as possible and had a difficult time keeping their hands off each other.

They decided to proceed to the next stage of the relationship and move in together or get married. Within a couple of months, they began to wonder what happened. Where did all the passion go?

Maybe this is you. Let’s talk about what happened.

Lesson 2 - You Can Keep It Special

In the last lesson, you discovered that relationships usually begin with passion and excitement. As the relationship progresses to moving in with each other or marriage, that passion decreases and can even disappear.

Does that mean the wonderful excitement and passion is gone forever? Happily, no. You can keep that fire of passion going. We’re going to discuss some of those strategies in this lesson.

Lesson 3 - Help! It’s Already Difficult

In the last lesson, you learned some tips on how to keep the passion in your relationship. Remember to establish the greeting and “leave-taking” rituals. You’ll be surprised at how much you look forward to them.

What happens, though, when you haven’t lived with each other long and things are already difficult? Before you doubt yourself and your decision, read about common difficulties when a couple first moves in with each other.

Lesson 4 - Keeping Challenges to a Minimum

In the last lesson you explored the common difficulties many couples have when they begin to live with each other. You’re merging two households as well as two different ways of living.

In this lesson you’ll explore how to keep challenges to a minimum. Most of what you’ll learn is what you can do individually. The challenge for many people is that this involves how you handle your inner life, the life of thoughts and feelings

Lesson 5 - Did I Make a Mistake?

In the last lesson you learned how minor issues can explode into major issues and how to prevent that from happening. You also explored how each of you could have different perspectives on an issue.

In this lesson, you’ll explore ways to evaluate your concerns that you may have made a mistake in moving in together or in getting married.

Lesson 6 - What You Can Expect

In the last lesson, you explored why you might be having doubts in the early months of moving in together and ways to resolve those doubts.

In this lesson, you’ll learn about what to expect over the years of your relationship.

Lesson 7 - Module 1 Summary and Reflection

Congratulations! You’ve made it through Module 1. Your progress demonstrates your commitment to yourself and to your relationship.

You’re aware that your body produces chemicals that entice you to fall in love. When you move in together, those chemicals decrease, and you wonder where the passion went.

You can keep your relationship special by developing special rituals for greeting and saying goodbye to each other. These rituals keep the fun in your relationship and can assist when relationship challenges come.

When relationship challenges arise, remember that you each have a different perspective. Be as objective as possible. Know that each of you will change as your relationship matures and as you age.

In the next module, you’ll explore the power of communication and some techniques to assist you in communicating openly and honestly with your partner. You’ll learn how to better understand each other and resolve differences in perspective.

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8 Lessons

Module 2 - The Power Of Communication

The hallmark of a pleasant living experience with your partner is communication. Communication not only makes life easier, but it also moves your relationship to a deeper level of intimacy.

In this module, you’ll learn basic and important strategies in communicating effectively with each other that will benefit your relationship.

Lesson 8 – Don’t Count on Mind Reading

 

In the last module you examined challenges with merging two different personalities into the same household.

 

In this module you’ll discover attributes which can impact good communication.

Your communication styles began before you met each other. It began with how you grew up. You also have different personality characteristics which affect your communication with each other.

 

This and the next lesson lay the foundation for healthy communication practices. To integrate the information in this module, begin practicing what you learn as soon as possible.

 

Lesson 9 - You’re Both Learning

In the last lesson you explored how family patterns, personal preferences and how your brain functions can affect the way someone communicates.

This lesson lays another of layer to the foundation regarding personal differences in communication. Being aware of personal differences can assist you in accepting others as they are and adapt how you interact with their style.

Lesson 10 – Communication Differences

In the last lesson you learned about the importance of listening, asking open-ended questions and finding the right time to communicate. We also discussed some differences in the ways people communicate.

In this lesson, you’re going to explore more in depth some natural differences in how people think, express themselves, and feel surrounded by people.

Lesson 11 – Four Ways of Communicating

In the last lesson, you explored the fascinating world about natural differences in the ways that people think, feel, notice social cues, and relate to the world. These differences affect the way they communicate. If you’ve completed the reflection exercises, you’ve discovered how it applies to you.

The way you communicate is the topic of this lesson. You’ll learn about four basic communication styles and when to use them.

Lesson 12 – Getting It Right – Reflective Listening

Now that you’re aware of the four different styles of communicating (Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive), it’s time to learn and practice how to communicate. You want to ensure your partner hears what you’re saying and that you’re communicating clearly.

Alan Greenspan, former Chairman of the Federal Reserve in the US for almost 20 years, said this about communication: “I know you think you understood what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

You’ll now learn how to avoid the Greenspan problem through a process called Reflective Listening.

Lesson 13 – Words That Destroy, Words That Build

Congratulations! You’ve made it to the last lesson in the communication module. You’ve learned a great deal about communication patterns and styles. In the last lesson, you learned how to ensure that you and your partner understand each other through Reflective Listening.

In this final communication lesson, you’ll learn about words and phrases which can increase conflict and the wonderful words which can assist in communicating with each other.

Lesson 14 – Module 2 Summary and Reflection

You’re doing a great job moving through “Keep the Fire Burning.” Congratulations! Knowing the best way to communicate will strengthen your relationship.

As you get to know your partner over the years, you’ll learn certain cues about when they have something that may be bothering them. Even if you’re right, don’t assume, but ask questions.

You also know that you both have different ways of communicating. One may be an introvert, the other an extrovert. One of you may be more aware of social cues than the other.

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8 Lessons

Module 3 - Handling Disagreements

Every relationship has its challenges. Frequently, those challenges are based upon misinterpretations and a lack of communication. Have you heard the expression, “Forewarned is forearmed?” When you know that something might happen, you’ll be better prepared for it.

Prepare now for the common challenges which can arise in your relationship. This can prevent heartache later. This module is all about preparation, so your relationship will remain strong and intimate, even amidst stress that may be happening in your lives.

Lesson 15 – Common Challenges

Congratulations! You’ve learned much about communication styles and ways to communicate. Keep practicing what you’ve learned. When something is ingrained in you, you’ll have ready access to it during stressful situations.

In this chapter, you’ll revisit some potential challenges discussed in Module 1. Now, we’ll talk about how to communicate with each other about it.

Lesson 16 – Handling Anger

Communication is an everyday event. As you discovered in the last lesson, it’s especially important during times of stress. It’s also crucial when children are part of the new family.

Regardless of how good your communication is, someone will get angry at some point. In this lesson, you’ll learn the real reason people get angry, the different ways people respond to anger, and the differences in how people handle their own anger.

Lesson 17 – What’s the Real Reason for Your Anger?

In the discussion on anger, you learned that other feelings are often under the anger. Keeping feelings hidden takes energy away from the energy needed to have an intimate, passionate, and amazing relationship.

In this lesson, you’ll discover ways to unearth what’s at the root of your anger and what you can do about it.

Lesson 18 – When Games Aren’t Fun

Communication is about being honest with each other. It’s also about the intimacy of revealing yourself to each other.

 

When you share honestly and deeply, you will achieve an intimacy which binds you to each other in ways you didn’t know was possible.

 

Now that you know how to communicate with each other in a way which clears confusion, it’s time to look at relationship games people play with each other. These games block intimacy and distract you from the truth of how you feel.

For a truly powerful and intimate relationship, you want to eliminate these games if they’re in your relationship. If you see them in other relationships, identify them and be thankful you don’t have them.

Lesson 19 – Fun Games

The last lesson was about destructive relationship games. They prevent you from engaging in honest communication with each other. You’re now aware of a few of these harmful relationship games and know how to stop them.

For this lesson, let’s take a break and move into some fun games. Just as in the “other” relationship games, these have patterns of behavior.

Lesson 20 – Fears Can Challenge Your Relationship

In the last lesson you learned about fun games or rituals which, when done daily, will strengthen your relationship. The lesson before that was about games which can separate you from each other.

In this lesson, you’ll address fearful feelings, often long-standing, which can cause complications in what you and your partner have. You’ll examine two basic fears and learn some strategies on how to handle them.

Lesson 21 – Module 3 Summary and Reflection

It’s tough for anyone to consider the challenges which could happen in their relationship. You, however, you completed this module. That shows courage on your part.

 

In the process of your studies, you’ve learned different ways people handle anger and the feelings which are often causing the anger. Sometimes, to avoid their fears, partners play emotional games with each other.    

 

Games can play a part in relationships. You want your games to strengthen your relationship through communication rituals and actions which show your love in a way which brings a light to your partner’s eyes.

 

Moving forward, now that you’ve discussed common disagreements and how to handle them, you’ll learn in Module 4 about the need for personal space. This isn’t something often discussed until in brims over in a disagreement.

Before moving on to Module 4, though, remember that the best way to ensure that new information has taken root within you is to reflect on what you’ve learned and put it into action.

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8 Lessons

Module 4 - Your Space - My Space - Our Space

In this module, you’ll learn about the different needs people have for personal space. Some people are more private than others. Others reveal information you might wish was kept private. This important information may assist you in understanding or avoiding some tensions in your relationship.

Lesson 22 – Everyone Needs Space

In the last module, you learned about areas of disagreement in relationships. In this module, we’ll go in-depth into the need for personal space and boundaries.

As you move through the lessons, keep in mind that everyone is different. Some people need more personal space than others, just as some people are more revealing about their thoughts and feelings than others.

Let’s begin by looking at why personal boundaries are needed.

Lesson 23 – Outside Friendships

This course is about keeping the fires burning in your relationship. You’ve demonstrated your commitment to your relationship by getting to this point. In the last lesson, you learned about the need for personal space and how some need more space than others. In this lesson, we’ll discuss friendships.

The best long-term partnerships are those which begin with friendship. At the beginning of relationships, people find it difficult to believe they need friendships other than their partner. It’s time to delve into the need for other friends in addition to your partner.

Lesson 24 – Money and Work: The Joy and Pain

In the last lesson, you investigated the role of friendships in your relationship. In this lesson, you’ll examine how work and money can be used for necessities and fun or can become a hostile third party in your relationship.

Lesson 25 – Blended Families

In the last lesson, you explored challenges that money and work can present to your relationship and how you can use them to enhance your relationship instead. In this lesson, you’ll delve into the other hot topic in relationships: children.

This lesson is about managing the challenges of bringing children into your relationship, making yours a blended family.

Lesson 26 – Nurture Your Relationship as You Grow and Change

After the lessons on children, money, friendships, and personal space, you may wonder what more about needs can you learn about. Every lesson has been about needs and the importance of talking about them with your partner.

This lesson isn’t about the most obvious needs. It’s about the needs you discover as you enjoy your relationship and personal growth and development.

Lesson 27 – Defining What’s Important

In the last lesson, you explored the fact that everyone changes. Part of life is adapting to these changes. The exciting part of change is that you know it’ll happen, you just don’t know how it’ll happen or in what areas.

In this lesson, you’ll explore what is most important to you. Some of these will be tangibles, such as how you spend your time together. Others are intangibles, such as respect.

Lesson 28 – Module 4 Summary and Reflection

You’ve done an amazing job getting to this point in the course. This module was all about personal boundaries and the differing needs for personal space.

Everyone has different personal space needs. Those needs change depending upon what is going on in your life and that of your partner’s.

When you establish the parameters around the daily and important activities of your life, you can prevent misunderstandings between you and your partner. Most people aren’t aware of their particular needs for personal space. By making the choice to investigate those needs now, you’re far ahead of most couples.

You have a strong foundation for heading off the repercussions of challenges in your relationship. Few couples are prepared for the challenges which they’ll face in a long-term relationship. You are not only aware of some of the challenges now, but you also have thoughtfully considered solutions.

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8 Lessons

Module 5 - Sex And Sexuality

When people hear the word passion, they usually think of sex. You may wonder, why did we decide to save the module on sex for last? The answer is simple. Our intention is for you to enjoy a healthy relationship that is intimate both emotionally and physically.

Emotional intimacy will lead to a fun, deep, fulfilling, and passionate sexual relationship.

Everything you’ve studied before, how to handle living together, healthy communication, disagreeing with each other in a healthy manner, and the previous module on personal boundaries, give you the foundation for emotional intimacy.

In this module, you’ll learn about the difference between sex and sexuality, tips on what turns each other on, as well as some fun sex games. You’ll also learn some tips on how to handle physical intimacy when, due to health situations, sexual intercourse isn’t possible.

Lesson 29 – Talking About Sex

In this last module of Keep the Fire Burning, you’ll focus on what many believe is meant by “fire” in relationships - your sexual relationship. Just as in any area of life, sexual desire varies greatly from person to person.

Lesson 30 – How and Why Sex Drives Differ

Now that you’ve explored topics to discuss regarding sexual interests and desires, let’s look at the difference in sex drives between men and women as well as within males and females.

In nature, there is only one reason to have sex and that’s to have babies. Sexual pleasure is, you could say, the bribe to entice you to do what is necessary. Nature also wants healthy babies. That’s the biological reason for differences in sex drive.

Lesson 31 – The Role of Hormones

In the last lesson, you learned about the differences in sexual desire between men and women. Some of these differences are due to differences in the brain. Others are due to differences in hormones.

 

In this lesson, you’ll go more in depth about the role of hormones. You may wonder why this information is important. The more knowledge you have about your body, the more quickly you can discover when your body isn’t working the way it’s supposed to.

Some doctors consider the loss of sexual drive as the indicator that something is happening in your body. Let’s begin with the women.

Lesson 32 – Sensuality and Sexuality

In the last lesson, you had a crash course in hormones that affect sexual drive.

This lesson will be fun. You’ll have an introduction into what turns people on. This will give you some ideas of what to do to initiate having sex as well as fun things to do during sex. We’ll continue that in the next chapter as we discuss fun sex games.

Lesson 33 – Spicing Up Your Sex Life

You’ve just explored the difference between sexuality and sensuality. You’ve also learned about a few actions which turn men and women on. Now it’s time to explore fun things to do in your sex life.

Lesson 34 – Can Relationships Survive Without Sex?

In the last lesson, you learned some ways to spice up your sex life. Certainly, the ideas presented gave you some other ideas.

But what happens when you or your partner can’t have sex? Is that the end of your relationship?

Lesson 35 – Module 5 Summary and Reflection

Congratulations are in order for you finishing Keep the Fire Burning. If, perchance, you began with this module, I encourage you to go back to the other lessons as you will learn foundational tools and tips to keep your relationship strong.

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